How Does Trauma Affect Personal Relationships?
Mental illness is the next pandemic, and it is already here. For the last two and a half years, humanity has experienced corporate and complex trauma as we have battled COVID-19, endured social and political chaos, economic challenges, unprecedented environmental disasters and increasing global conflict. We have all suffered these traumas in addition to the more personal traumas that have hit us such as the death of loved ones, social isolation, the loss of homes and jobs, and the difficulties of caring for our children as they experience the complexities of adulthood without the ability to comprehend or verbalize it’s impact.
Depression, anxiety, substance abuse, domestic violence, suicide and homicide have all been on the rise in response to our shared trauma. We have entered into, what mental health experts refer to as, the trauma triangle.
What is a trauma triangle?
It’s a dynamic that is often seen in systems and families where trauma has been rampant. It refers to the tendency for individuals to play multiple parts/roles in the continuation of trauma.
We usually enter into this repeating, dynamic cycle as the victim, having experienced trauma perpetrated against us.
Once inducted, the victim, often unknowingly, will begin to act out their distress; and in so doing, they become an abuser of some kind (lashing out verbally or physically). As they assume another role in the trauma triangle they unwittingly perpetuate the trauma cycle.
The third role of this trauma triangle is referred to as the “witness/rescuer.” In this third role, as the witness/bystander, the individual often finds themself helpless to do anything to stop the trauma, and as such experiences a vicarious victimization.
Should the witness attempt to help, thus engaging in the role of a rescuer, they will often find themselves in the place of the victim with the abuser aiming the poison at the rescuer. On the flip side, the initial victim may also lash out at the rescuer as the rescuer may inadvertently employ power tactics similar to the abuser, thus repeating and re-engaging the trauma triangle.
I’m sure many of you can see this trauma triangle is at work both systemically and individually. It can be argued that it is the reason why our mental health is continually bombarded and why we are feeling so stressed as each day brings more uncertainty and unrest.
How do we manage this trauma cycle?
How do we emerge from the cycle without perpetuating it? It begins with the vulnerability of:
Acknowledging the impact of our current times to our corporate and individual hearts, minds and bodies
Practicing honesty with humility, strength with kindness
Resisting the urge to engage in the blame games and the extreme responses that tempt us when we are triggered by the continuing trauma
Focusing on our personal agency, responsibility and contributions
Embracing grace and understanding for those who are imperfect due to human frailty, which is every single one of us
Emerging from the trauma triangle is difficult, particularly when every day brings new crises. But, with mindfulness, humility and a practiced choice of love over hate, we can cling to Hope; which is the way out.
Read the rest of the series:
This is part three of our Mental Health Awareness Month series. Read parts one and two below: